Monday, January 4, 2010

Bon Mots or Bon Voyage?

Happy New Year.

Let's get right to it: whither Club Whirled?

Perhaps it's a false choice, or merely an opening question, for the new year, the new decade. My yet-again-new life. But what I do know is that this blog has to get back to being something, or it should simply go away. It is at once very dear to me, and yet also seems to have gone in so many different directions over the past several years that it needs a new track, a new way forward again.

Perhaps the most direct criticism came from Vini -- the posts have to be shorter, he said. It made me bristle at first, with a sort of indignant sense of being misunderstood, etc. My usual reaction to what Jake Tapper called my "garrulousness" years ago. Yes, I go on and on. I write and think out loud, not only here but often in life. So many of these posts have begun with almost no idea where they would go, or conclude, until they got there. I once complained to Chris that I desperately needed an editor on his blog, that I just can't edit myself well enough for posterity.

So, I thought, what about focusing more on the bon mots of life? What about just something short and fluffy each day, behind which one could see my mind at work? Perhaps I could touch on this or that in my life, and in the world around me. I found myself comparing myself -- something I do almost always in despair rather than constructively -- to a neighbor of mine. He's a figure in the local scene, someone a bit older than me that I find likeable, whose taste I share on many things. His blog is thriving, much like his social life. But alas - he is also a journalist. I'm a prose writer, and always was. I don't inherently edit myself the same way he does, so I could not sustain his style for very long. I just have too much to say, and would grow very bored with it quite soon.

I also remember some of my few but dear commentators here who, back in September, urged me to keep going in the same vein as before. That my style was affecting and unique, and sincere. God knows, I gotta keep it real or I won't be able to write a single sentence. And I don't really want to write with an audience in mind. I write for myself, and if people come to it, all the better. I feel understood.

Finally, I have to say I'm very proud of what I have written. I don't look back on every post with pride in what I said, per se, but with pride that I said it. I am proud that I work at being something or someone in this world, that I just don't drift mindlessly or selfishly through my life. I don't think enough credit is given to people who really struggle when they don't have to, and who put great effort into life rather than simply take what is given them. I want to celebrate that here.

But alas, I'm also a little tired of overexposing myself. I can sometimes be a little too honest. I think I wrote it somewhere earlier that I am tired of lifting my dress up in front of everyone, which inevitably means I yank the dresses of others up in order to properly explain my own. And that's just too tricky. Also, something as intimate as a marriage needs to find its own way in the world and not be subject to public scrutiny, so I am almost always reluctant to share anything about it here. So, when my marriage becomes the major element of my life (quite often), then I have nothing to write here.

So...

The puzzle.

I guess I must simply commit to solving it by the end of this week.

2 comments:

Vinicius said...

“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.”

Lucrece said...

Either way, I'll be along for the ride.

I'm highly skeptical you'll find a way to sabotage your own knack for writing with such spiritual punch.

And what's wrong with musing? Isn't that what blogs started for? If I want drab, concise statements that only distract but don't engage, that's what news are for.